phillyphan

Great week! that's it... just kidding, ill explain. First of all, thursday was the long awaited No Doubt concert. I absolutely love gwen stefani, her clothes line, and obviously No Doubt. I went with K nd J two hours early and we secured our second row spots in the pit. After waiting almost forever, we finally saw the sounds, then paramore-- when the 13 year olds behind us screamed lyrics for 11 straight songs, and then NO DOUBT. They played every amazing song and it was probably hands down the best concert ive ever been to. At the end, after the crazy encore, Gwen came down to the pit and signed my program!..and that was hands down best moment of my life. well, maybe... definitely in the top 10. You might be laughing, whatever, it was life changing. The rest of the week has been full of grad parties, including my own, which was fun. All my best girl friends stayed over and we played guitar hero into the AM and had some cool new drinks. Finally, yesterday at work i started talking to Romer again for some reason. Last night we talked on messenger literally from the time i left work until 12am. Long story short, we are going to the Blink concert in august! Backing up-- important details-- he offered to buy both tickets, and said hes genuinely excited. just had to mention that. I was with my friends R and S at an awkward graduation party while i was having the convo, and i filled them in obivously. R says hes playing with my emotions again and i need to detach myself. I think hes trying to make up for not going to the game in May, but i dont know. I told him that im afraid to say ill go because he might back out and hurt my feelings, but he promised and said he would definitely go if it was just us. I guess i trust him enough, but i still dont really know how he thinks of me. Ive been having fun hanging out with work friends. This weekend were having a party at my friends house, and tomorrow im going to the shore with J for a few days. B created ridiculous drama last night before the grad party, not to mention she should be in SC... no, shes living in her own apartment in haverford. who knew?! anyway, im looking forward to a few relxing days at the shore with J, planning our new years dublin adventure and venting about life. Tomorrow is the last monday with the usual monday staff because they cut our days again for summer. ugh, that place. hopefully D will find out about the fulltime job tomorrow. ciao for now!!!

Long time, no write. I just realized that this blog is now over a year old! Im glad i kept it pretty religiously so far, its a cool feeling to have somewhere you have all your memories. Not all of them in detail, but ones that stuck out and some details that popped into my head at the time. I graduated on Thursday so im finally a college freshman, and 18. Nothing has changed, but give it time, i know something will. Ive just been working for the last few weeks besides graduation stuff. Works been fun, and tiring, and draining. I like working during the week now though too because i get to talk to other funny people, and my paycheck starts with a 5 instead of a 2. I chat with D a lot and weve become pretty tight. Shes cool, and hopefully she will get the full time job soon. Virginio&ship, lets call them, also work during the week and theyre kind of hilarious. Ship is quirky and a little annoying sometimes, and M is adorable and funny. Virginio speaks german and translated my last name today for everyone...how embarrassing. I really want to learn german though and after ireland i want germany to be my next trip i think. Romer also works during the week now too, unfortunately. Last week i organized a Phils game for everyone that works saturdays to go to. The saturday staff is really cute and were all close, so i decide id just get 8 tickets for us and we would go after work. Everyone was excited, and Romer told me he would go about 2 weeks ago, and thats when we started really talking again, just because, and of course i got re-immersed. The day before the game he texts me and says he wants to back out. I dont remember exactly how the convo went but i made him feel pretty crappy because i was so upset that he really doesnt give a shit about me, but then i realized i needed to be above that and i told him to just have a good time doing whatever he wants. The day of at work i tried to persuade him to go, but he shook it off and ended up not going. I dont know why. Maybe because he thought we were all freaks outside work, maybe afraid to be friends, maybe he was embarrassed to go out with us and afraid to have other people find out. I was angry at him, and myself for a while, but it made me realize that the friends that do care about me are amazing, and i had fun with them. I also went to the Phils with S and my roommate K(who i lovee) during senior projects. But anyway, i sort of stopped talking to Romer after that. He did message me the day after and asked how it went, i said great, and told him he should be more social. He said he is, just not with work people and hes okay with people hating him. We sort of got in a fight over facebook chat, as gay as that sounds. I cant figure out why is he messaging me and talking to me outside of work? whatever. We have these gaps after a blow out for some reason always, and atleast now i know he doesnt care. but didnt i already know? Ive been hanging out with J a lot since shes come home from school. We went to paint pottery again last week and caught up, and then dinner after work on saturday with Nancy. This week were going to No Doubt concert, which im so, so, so excited for and next week is beach week! Were planning a trip to ireland for winter break so we can spend new years there...and thats where my summer money will be going. Well, a lot of it. Taffy has exited stage left, and i dont know if hell make another appearance or not. I havent talked to him for close to a week, and for reasons i dont even need to list i know he was never worth it, and not going to be. School friends wise were still hanging out a lot because of grad parties. A, K, R, and i are still best friends. Im so happy R is going to Penn and our rooms are both in the quad and so close! Z still isolates herself with her bf, which i dot understand. Im kind of glad she taught me how a relationship can ruin so much in your life, but i feel sorry for her at the same time. I know i cant be in her position. I almost want to thank her for showing me that, even though i miss the way she was and i wish she could take it back more than anything. It made my trust issues even worse, and im afraid of getting to into any seriously relationship because if anything did happen with my girlfriends, i would feel awful and id never forgive myself for falling into the trap that she fell into. In other news, B is off the grid, she was supposed to move to SC but is now possibly just living alone in haverford? I feel like B will always have a question mark close to her in my entries. Graduation was so much fun though, and hopefully i can stay close with most of them, and R will be at penn so that makes me feel better. Mostly, besides that details, lately ive been thinking about long term, and the reality of school in the fall. Ive been having second thoughts about engineering school and i talked to D and J about it and D, as someone whos gone through college and grad school, said that ill be fine and if i want to do languages i can always switch over by sophomore year or both will be fine. J said to take all languages as my electives and i can always minor in langs with my systems and do a year abroad. I still like the systems and i feel like if i can get through the undergrad engineering i can do anything, and i really want to make it through, while enjoying school and learning as many languages as possible...so i can travel and work in europe. but well see. The same thing happened to D because she went to college originally for bio and then ended up with a degree in museum studies. I love my friends. Alright, ciao for now! Summers here!!!

Life is good, i cant complain. This week i have basically been working at my senior externship and working, working. Ive been so tired lately just dealing with life though. If its not one thing its something else.

Saturday and Sunday really teased me. I talked to Romer so much and sort of became re-trapped. When he talks to me, he makes me feel like were the only ones that think the same way. make sense? no, but its just this thing that clicks when im around him and we sort of ignor everything else going on. We talked a bunch of night this week too, partly because yesterday was my birhtday, but its like he wants to talk to me. maybe hes bored. i really need to chill out and kind of write it off though, or atleast try to forget about it. i know that hes not looking for any kind of relationship right now, he likes being a stupid little kid and going home and playing video games by himself. He also has a lot of other girl friends. The minute i feel like im \'special\' (how gay), i come home and realize how many other girl friends he has and how much he actually doesnt care and would never hang out with me.

Im so tired i cant write anymore, i feel like my life is just heavy, even though i just got so much amazing stuff for my birthday, and i have absolutely nothing to be upset about.

I feel fat. I just got home from work and then dinner with J! Shes finally home and we went to continental to catch up. She coming to work on saturday, so obviously welll go out to dinner that day too bc our three hour convo today was just not sufficient. This week has gone by pretty slowly for my first week without school, but lets start from the top.

Last Wednesday I went to my friend Hs house to study french. hah, study. She lives in rittenhouse square so im obsessed with her house obviously. We had dinner and then spent the night with our other friend ST from french class. We mostly gossiped and ST gave me the low down on this guy i met at the post prom last week. bad history. That night the kid, lets call him Taffy, continued to text me all night. no, literally, all night. Anyway, Thursday was the night before Ks birthday! She had me, A, and two toehr friends to her house to have drinks and watch movies all night. We had fun and it was nice to finally just chill and hang out together. Friday was our official last day of school. We rolled in around 10am, went to some health lectures, drove around like maniacs, had pizza, and watched the senior video. Friday night we went to the Killers concert! K, me, B, BG, Bgs friend Go, and S went early to tailgate and then finally made it into the concert. B and BG got pretty messed up, and i think BG even barfed. The Killers were amazing though and luckily K and i had tickets up front. I wish A could have come but she had orchestra practice...ugh.

Saturday of course, i got up bright and early to go to work. I dont remember much about that day bc i was so tired, except that the last hour was spent talking to Romer. He came into the exhibit and just started being his usual, stupid, immature, annoying, insane, awesome, self and kept talking. whatever. On the way home that day i realzed in a nut shell what happened: I wanted to make our friendship better, and he didnt and doesnt give a shit. After talking to him for a while on saturday i forgot why we didnt work out as friends, or anything else. We got along so well, agreed about everything and everyone, joke, are sarcastic, maybe a little racist, laidback... but why do we have to be so personal at work? Most people i talk to at work just talk about work, or work related subjects, and if i do talk about personal stuff with someone, we hang out outside of work and are personal friends. Ive know Romer too long and when ,a long time ago, i suggested hanging out, he shut me down. I was depressed, yes, and stopped talking to him because i thought he didnt want to be friends. However, he continued to come talk to me at work about personal things, and ask personal questions, and joke, and tease me, and act as though were friends outside of work. I dont know why he did and does continue to do this but it makes me sad afterwards that we cant be friends at all outside of work, and its as though we never will be. Ive never had a problem making friends with someone before when i think we get along really well. Normally when i talk to someone from work or school a lot, we get a mutual idea that we should hang out or be friends outside of work/school. With Romer, i thought it was the case, but for some reason he only ever has time for me at work. Even communicating, messaging, texting, etc, i have to contact him everytime. Sure he will respond for hours but he never thinks to contact me ever and it hurts. On saturday he changed subjects and said, \'so i guess one of us should get outta this place soon. We cant both work here anymore haha.\' Alright, so obviously hes kidding, but for a while i seriously thought maybe he wouldnt consider going out or being good friends because we work together. To be friends, etc, does one of us really have to quit our job? I always over analyze but later he asked me why hes a jerk. I always respond with youre fine, youre not a jerk, stop. I wish it would stop. but i dont. I have no clue whats wrong with this whole thing. I understand how he might not want to be better friends with me, even though i thought we might agree on that if i thought it would work, but then why does he keep making personal conversation? He just makes you feel like youre friends and then when youre almost at the comfy point, he shuts you down, or leaves you stranded.

Sunday was the first sunday without our usual manager. Hes back at the zoo. K was there, my fav manager, shes really nice. It was pretty boring because the black exhibit is gone but its much better. Im also working mondays and thrusdays now. D, my friend that works sundays and mondays is hilarious. She went to a heayv metal concert on saturday night with some friends from highschool, one of which she hadnt seen for six years. He professed his love for her, wasted of course, at the concert, and said he only went on their highschool French trip bc she went. Theyre now hanging out. She also has a commie tatoo on the top of her back thats pretty badass. The ship man also works mondays, hes 28 but hilarious and naturally high. I met a new worked on mondays, pretty boy, whos hot and pretty funny, but kinda way immature too for a 23 year old. M and J are still going out...gross. Other than working ive been interning at my other museum this week. They had me giving surbeys, collecting data, and just staffing exhibits.

I havnt heard from Z since last week. Actually she texted me randomly two days ago but whatever. Basically right now im just talking to B, A, K, Taffy ehh, and J of course. oh, and pretending that Romer talks to me. I have really bad allergies and i need to sleep early, not that i do anything anyway. Romer has off all week and when he told me that i just wanted to say \'Then why dont you ask to hang out??\' but he would rather be home playing video games or watching scarlett johansen...

but on a happy note tomorrow Friday and i just have my last AP and im home free! Then its the weekend and ill get to hangout with J! Ciao for now! 

It has been over am onth since my last entry. I have a good excuse though: I\'ve actually been busy, as you will see. A lot is coming together, or has come together, but of course the one element of my life that i always harp about is as painful as ever.

So to start, i have a roommate! I finally found her about two weeks ago! Shes from Philly and goes to another private school kinda near mine., and we technically have a mutaul friend. So if anyone asks if we met on facebook, the answer is always no.  Im so glad i found her, i think we\'ll be really good friends. Penn preview days last week were so much fun. I met the 10 or 12 girls ive been talking to online and we went to spring fling. At sping fling i saw one of the guy coaches that works at my school...weird? He was so wasted. The girl i met ae a really nice but kind of clique-y. They all want to apply to the same residential program and made this seperate group on facebook for us hmmm, but thats all figured out now. Most of them have decided to room together and sorted it out.

Later that week i went to the third eye blind concert with my school gals K and B. B was pretty crazy, as expected, and came prepared with champagne to celebrate K\'s brithday three weeks early. The concert was amazing though, aside from the opening band. B is still having problems with her fam, but i have no idea how shes going to survive on her own this summer, she might get abducted by gypsies, or sold, or just screwed and broke. who knows. Ill hope for the best...

Ive also been buying so many Phillies tickets! ive gone to two games so far but im going to four more this month. Im going with my daddy, S, my roomie KD, and my work friends! We decided to many people from work were busy to go out to dinner but we bought Phils tickets for the end of the month. S and i decided to plan a graduation party together, which caused much more drama than intended. Z has a problem with S for some reason, a bf reason, and gave me shit for a week about planning the party. Z has been acting strange lately bc of the bf, and went out with him four times for lunch during our last week of school together. All my friends are pretty pissed at her, but we all know once she goes away to florida to fly, who knows if well hear from her. Shes obsessed with the bf.

This weekend, meaning the last 4 days that i made into a weekend, were crazy but awesome. Thursday i volunteered at the AAM conference at the convention center. The American Association of Museums organized a conference where all the museum people from around the country come to Philly and have sessions and event. On thrusday i was a volunteer orienter and monitored sessions, oh and i was working for this awesome flamboyantly gay guy. On monday i had to go for orientation and i went with D, anotherh ilarious co-worker. We love bitching about work and she has her interview for the full time job tomorrow. After orenation, another co-worker informed me that M and annoying J, two full timer, are officialy dating. Yes, this is M who broke up with his gf less than a month ago, and gross J who has a cackling, annoying laugh. Anyway, Thursday was fun and after work i went to dinner with my roomie and her friend from school. Theyre already on senior projects so we met at Buca and had amazing food and then went to walnut street. Friday i did show up at school, and friday night i went to M\'s play in new jersey. I hardly see her anymore because shes so busy and far away. Shes going to Nova next year though, so hopefully well hang out more.

Saturday was when the real chaos started. I went to work as usual from 9-5pm. S wasnt there, which made everyones life easier, but it was the day before closing the huge black people exhibit. The lines was literally out the door and i spent six hours inside the  exhibit pulsing people through. After becoming completely exhausted, i left to go to L\'s prom. Yes, L is the one with no name from my last entrywho went to my prom. He goes to school in the city so the prom was convinient to get to from work. I went his house, then his friend\'s house for pictures, prom, and then the important part: post. During the prom i was told by one his friends that he likes this other gril thats senior at his school. Perfect!, i thought, because i dont like him, were just friends and thatll keep him occupied at post. At post everyone got wasted, except me, who cannot be affected by less than eight shots, and two or three other kids from the city who just showed up to party. I met a lot of cool people and ended up getting extra friendly with one, not L, or any other private school freak,  fortunately. Long story about him id rather not remember, but he was alright, and has been constantly texting me since 12 noon yesterday. So what happened to L? He was nice and checked on me during post, got completely trashed (hilarious) and finally got with that girl and left me alone til a lot later! We didnt go to sleep until almost 5am, so i basicallyy stayed up until i had to get up at 730. In the morning i drove L home and went to starbucks, my second, no third home, to change and get ready for work. classy. I had to be at work at 9 because so many people were coming for the closing day of the exhibit.

The morning was aweful. I was peacefully pacing though the exhibit as usual when two black people starting beating the shit out of each other, yes, in the exhibit. I called my manager, and security came up, along wit Romer who pretended to be completely involved in the whole thing, and told everyone in the world about it afterwards. cool. It ends up that the man planned to meet the woman at the museum but then brought another woman and her kids, resulting in a flight, and later i had to be interviewed by park rangers and fill out a bunch of forms as the witness. great? It gets better. Then i got to work the crazy exhibit again pushing people through for the last few hours it would be open in Philly, and last night i worked the AAM party until 10pm. I did get to meet a lot of neat museum people from around the country and got free dinner. I think this whole weekend costed about 30 bucks. not bad.

I talked to Romer a lot more than usual this weekend, i dont know why. I guess you could say were alright, but its always weird with us. I have to admit that life is pretty sweet right now, a few tests and im finished with highschool, chilling and doing whatever i want, and i have an amazing job...well amazing may be a bit of an overstatement. The only catch is Romer, and im sure it always will be. Yesterday at lunch we were having a mixed race couple convvo. We both have the same opinion but Romer said he sort of believes you cant help who you like and thats the only way to justify doing that. I immediately said \'no you can\'. That ended that conversatnion but later i realized hes right. I try so hard not to like him, to have reasons to hate him, but i cant help who i love like crazy, and it sucks.

Well this week APs, a rainly week of AP testing, and then Killers concert on friday! J comes home on friday too so shell be at work next weekend! Hopefully soon ill know the weekdays im getting to work this summer and my Penn classes and housing. Ciao!