phillyphan

I survived. It wasn't as bad as some say, yet it wasn't as easy as some recall either. I walked in really afraid of the IV, actually petrified. The doctor was pretty nice but i still felt it and then fell asleep. Most people had told me that after the IV everythings fine becasue you're so asleep..not the quite the case. I woke up to the novicane needle being stabbed into the top of my mouth. All i remember is screaming and the nurse saying, "more, more." and i was out. When i woke up i was huge and numb. (hah that's what she said). Anyway, I was swollen a little bit, but the pineapple from the night before helped i think. Now, 3 days later, im basically cured.

So besides the wisdom teeth, not too much is new. I've just been watching movies and eating chocolate pudding. Yesterday i went to work looking a bit like a chipmunk but people were nice about it and most people really couldnt tell. or so they say. J only has two more weeks of work which is depressing and i dont know what i will do when she leaves. Actually, ive been planning more than you may think. Not in terms of how i will survive in general, however i plan to rekindle my relationship with Romer. Though my heart will break when J leaves, Romer has already shattered it, and maybe having friend time to spend on him could help put it back together. I talked to him a little yesterday but i was on a perk so...yea, dont really know how that went. I think something along the lines of, me: ' i look like a chipmunk, i know. Im on so many meds right now'.  R: 'oh, right, that. how was that?'. Me: 'Not so great'. and the conversation continued for maybe 5 minutes in this way. I shouldve used my medication as an excuse for saying something random, but i actually wasnt that on my feet to think of doing that i guess. After work i just sat at home and watched tv and today i went to work at my other museum. Truly, im tired of it but i will liveu until november hopefully. During work today, persuaded by my perkaset, i walked to whole foods in the pouring rain. I didnt realize it was pouring rain until i was half way across the Ben Franklin Parkway. So that was scary in itself. Note to self: do not walk around the city while on heavy medication.

After work, I went to meet Z! Shes finally home from England so we had dinner and shopped a little. She told me all about her new bf (yay) and we just chatted about the norm and caught up. Then i drove in a rain storm. A bit hair-raising, if i do say so myself. I know cutie wants to hangout this week, but im avoiding it a little...anyway Im off to read more atonement! ciao!

Though i only have 2 more weeks until preseason, im finally starting to feel like its summer. Penn was intense and tiring, but now that im home, playing tennis everyday, cruising around in my car, and laying by the pool reading, the summer sensation has hit me. Sometimes i think its boring to have days where theres nothing to do except watch reruns on mtv and swim laps alone. but no. this is summer. Unless i have a full week consisting of tennis, mtv, swimming, and guitar hero, i have not experienced summer and i think i would feel like it was never there. On saturday at work, J and i were talking about how summer has gone so fast this year and we need days like this to be able to go back to school. I have finally had a few, and hopefully will have more in the next 2 weeks.

Today i went to tennis clinic and drove my sister along with me. She thinks its so cool that i can drive haha and of course we go to starbs afterwards to reward ourselves with their new vivanno smoothies and some saladworks. We went in the pool at home until i had my dentist appointment--i know that kinda ruins the summer day, but go with it. I then came home and watched 'what i like about you', amazing summer time-wasting show, and then headed out to another tennis lesson in kennett. I play with a girl thats #1 on her college team, so its tiring but really good practice. On the way home i stopped for dunkin and then enjoyed singing coldplay at the top of my lungs, all the way home - a secret benefit of driving. Its so liberating. Now im about to make myself read some Atonement. I made a dent in it the other day, so im kind of into it now, even though reading in the summer kills me.

In Romer news, i basically didnt talk to him on saturday. Yes, it was inconvenient but also i was just talking to J all day. We were talking about her trip to ireland and italy and planning her going away dinner which will take place in 2 weeks. We also plan to go to dublin next summer for a week or so which would be pretty sweet. I will be 18 so we can sample numerous beers while wandering thru Dublin and speaking in irish accents. excellent. I dont want her to leave me alone. i seriously dont know how i will live on saturdays. Anyway, i talked to Romer last night on aim and it was a normal convo, i told stories and he listened, commenting and sometimes contributing. But like i always say, he is there. and thats all that matters. and im hooked. Cutie and Z both come back to philly on wednesday, right in time to see me after my wisdom surgery. great. I actually wont be appearing in public until saturday, hopefully. Im scared to death, but it seems routine with my surgeon, so im almost positive ill live. I have to be able to go to work on saturday since its J's second to last week.

Well, surprisingly, for a boring summer week my life isnt all that boring. Just enjoying the peace and actual summer feeling before everyone comes home and the madness starts. ciao for now!

So, first, i made it all the way home from Penn. yes, basically my backyard, but it seemed a lot further and the work i accomplished amazes me. I really enjoyed the program, the combination of management and technology, but it was so unorganized and there was massive amounts of work beyond summer belief. Good things- my project team was hilarious and kept me awake for our 3am meetings, i met 2 really nice girls who i hung out with all the time and helped me thru it, i love the campus, and the director of the program is awesome. okay, anyway now im home and i have my room, my car, and my life back. sweeet. awat from the college rush and back to reality. and in this case, reality is sweet.

Im depressed that summer is almost over. This program sped it along so much with the anticipation in june and now that its over, its august! what?! Yes, preseason starts in 2 weeks. I also get my wisdom teeth out on thrusday. lovely. I plan to get my rest in for a few days after that. In the meantime im back to working tomorrow and playing tennis all week. Im so excited to go back to work tomorrow to see J, and Romer of course. Since our little convo a few days ago when i last worte, i really just want to talk to him. It might be for 5 minutes, but thats fine. I know I need to separate myself so i can live life, but im not ready. The last 3 weeks have been crazy and the last thing im ready to do is go ahead and force myself to forget about him becasue i simply cant, as you know, but hopefully i eventually will if need be. As long as i know hes there, there is something in me still holding on. and after months, actually almost years (woah), i cant pin point exactly why. Cutie is in mexico but will be home thrusday, so we shall see if im over my Romer syndrome anytime soon. Also, I have a lot of school work to start, but notihng can compare to the last 3 weeks of torture. Even typing on my own keyboard feels good.

I dont know what else to say besides Im so happy to be home.

Oh man. How to begin. Penn has its ups and downs, but atleast im alive. Tons of work and i got pretty sick last week but ive recovered from the me plague and im back to my own self, with an outrageous sunburn from 2 days ago. I never expected to write so many esssays and labs. holy shit its insane. My project is going pretty well, mostly just becasue my team, the chits, is hilarious. Ive started to eat in the cafeteria because i ran out of money of course, but it isnt so bad. After the first day when i found a bone in the chicken i kinda flipped, but the salads arent so shabby.

Personal stuff that you care about. Friday was the Coldplay concert! wooo. H, J, and Cutie all came. Its kinda painful right now to call him Cutie.- not because of him at all but about  5 minutes ago sumthing else happened...ahh okay lemme get there. Anyway, the concert was amazing, they were so good, and Chris Martin came literally 10 feet away from us. crazy. I think everyone had a lot of fun and Cutie wa extra touchy...like at the time it was fine but at this moment--no i dont have a language barrier--i actually mean at this moment i feel like its weird(explained later). I really like Cutie and he obviously likes me, but probably not for all the reasons i would want him to lol remember this kid is in highschool. We stayed over at H's house and then she took me back to penn waah), after stopping at starbs, on saturday.

On Saturday my program took us to ocnj where i obtained a horrible sunburn and some salt water taffy. gahh. Cutie and i hung out again yesterday and did some illegal stuff. We went to his 'house' in the city and just messed around and went to eat pasta. And by mess around i dont mean hook up or anything, literally just mess around illegally. He picked me up and we drove around a lot and talked which was a nice break from the penn maddness. So today was monday, ugh monday. Class lasted from 9-430 with an hour lunch in there, and then i went back to work on homework and projects. Fast forward to now. I just talked to Romer, yes my Romer, online for about an hour. We talked about my program, the coldplay concert, and just whats going on. Theres a lot of things going thru my mind. First, that i was going to invite him to coldplay. It totally crossed my mind on thrusday before i invited Cutie. He told me that his sister went and that he looked at my pictures in a non-creepy way, whatever that means. Second, just talking made me want to... i dont even know. I didn't know how to seize the moment, how to react, or what to talk about. Its so sad and pathetic that something so simple as a aim conversation can make me feel so nostalgic and excited at the same time. Now that its over, i wish i had said something else. He had to 'go to bed cuz of work' but i wish we had talked about something serious like before. We always tell stories and i did, while he listened as usual and gave me commentary, but he didnt reveal anything new about his life. I wish i knew something. Well yes, to pin point it, i still wish i knew that specific thing, but really anything now. I wana cry. I probably will. Yep, too late. After this conversation, Cutie just completely flees my mind and im left with the imprint of Romer, Romer, Romer is still there. Still amazing. Still the best. and still willing to talk to me, even despite whatever happened. shit. Ah the longest entries always contain Romer, if you havent figured that out. I just have so much to say and of all things that happen, this is obviously the only thing i can legitimately, only talk about on here. No one can understand this, and i understand that no one actually cares, to be honest, id rather they dont.

I would do anything.

lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, i will try to fix you.

Alright. How to start. Life is crazy, goood, and sucky.

First, this week of camp has been spiraling downwards. Monday i dont even remember, but then tuesday, oh man, was aweful, and wednesday, even more. Tuesday: it all started with this long, agonizing speech from a librarian. My business teacher decided it was necessary to bring 2 old librarians from penn library to teach us about resources for our project. great. I dont get along with elderly librarians as it is, and i dread hearing their speeches about nothing. So this put a major damper on my day. Then tuesday night, after taking a shower, my room was about 40 degrees and while doing work, i fell aspeep with my hair wet. So i got up on wednesday feeling like a corpse. Wednesday morning we took a trip to synthes, a company that is innovative in making screws for bones. gahh lovely, not to mention it was also freezing in there. On the bus ride back to penn i crashed. I was burning up and my head was splitting. I then sat thru another hour and a half of class, a lab, and wrote a lab in my fragile, dreary condition. My friend told me i was burning up and i went to sleep early with a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and every large blanket tha i own. 10 hours of sleep later i felt fine. So today i got up late, went to starbs and could actually sit thru class without feeling like i was about to die. I think i was just stressed out, sleep deprived and being freezing for almost 24 hours killed me. Theres my drama series.Today is chill though because we only have to lactures and a lb to write.

Theres just too much to do. In and out of this program i'm trying to keep up with people, organize the concert(yay), organize tennis team, and do all this work. My project team is hilarious though. The indian guy teaches me indian/british words...our team is called the chits. -Its much more effective if you say it out loud a couple times and make variations on it. ohh and ps it is a real word.

On the other hand, i had to get better quik because Coldplay is tomorrow night! My friends H, J from work, and Cutie are going. The concert should be amazing and its a great escape from here, atleast for one night. excited!!!

Im almost through 2/3 of the program...hopefully ill make it thru!!

bisous! ciao!